If you want to be more social, you need to talk more. If you want to talk more you need to start conversations. It sounds simple, but it’s not always easy. Having a few conversation starters to hand can help you be more confident when starting to talk to someone.
How knowing conversation starters can help
I know I need to exercise more. There are loads of reasons for exercise and logically there is no reason for me wasting so much time sitting watching TV. I always feel better after exercise, I sleep better afterwards and I (usually) enjoy the exercising itself. Why don’t I exercise more?
Because the thought of starting , the thought of the initial standing up, going outside and starting to run is the toughest part.
It’s the same with conversations. Often if you have a few good conversation starters ready, that’s half the battle. Getting started is difficult, so be prepared with some conversation starters.
How to come up with conversation starters
Coming up with some conversation starters is the first step. This should always be thought out beforehand. If you are like me and don’t find it easy to talk to others, try to find open questions to ask. This gets the other person talking.
I would typically keep my conversation starters to topics I knew something about. I tend to stick to things I know about, that other people will generally have an opinion about. The weather is usually a good one as anyone can respond to that. Sport is also quite good, commenting on an upcoming game, or last nights result. Without wanting to stereotype too much, sport does generally work better with men than with women. Politics is another thing that most people have opinions on, but you should always avoid any controversial issues.
If you are completely stuck for inspiration, here is a pretty comprehensive list of questions you can use – http://conversationstarters.com/101.htm
Hi James, my name is Leanne and I’m also an introvert. I don’t have a problem striking up a conversation with a complete stranger but once it involves getting to know each other better, that’s when I totally back off. I want to be more sociable but need to overcome my fear of allowing others to get too close through the exchange of information and letting my guard down and trusting people. Do u have any ideas?
Thanks!
Hi Leanne, thanks for your comment!
That raises a very good point that the initial striking up a conversation is completely different to then moving on and talking to people you start to know a bit better.
The main piece of advice I would give is to keep your level of interest in the other person. When you first meet someone it’s obvious you both need to actively find out things about each other, but after that initial interest it’s easy to ease back. It’s a bit like a new relationship, after the initial “honeymoon period”.
I’m currently using every social meeting as an opportunity to learn something new. Sure, sometimes I don’t manage that, and sometimes I forget to switch into that mode, but I find it really helps me to talk to others, and it makes me interested in what they have to say.
Something else that might help you is to take time to think about what topics you do not feel comfortable with, and topics you do feel comfortable with. If you stay at it long enough, you will come up with loads of stuff you are happy to talk about. Think of all the nice things that happened during your childhood, did you go to college or university? Do you do any sports or activities? Do you have family? Are you interested in fashion?
There are loads of topics I’m sure you know loads about and are happy to talk about, it’s just a case of being prepared and knowing what these topics are.
Here’s something else that’s just popped into my head, try starting a blog. It’s a great way to get your ideas and thoughts down, and forces you to think about the topics and areas you know well. If you can write a blog post about it, you can probably hold a decent conversation about it.
Or if you want to write something about being more social that might help other reader of this blog I could create a “Guest Posts” section and publish your blog post for you if that might help.
Definitely keep in touch, I’d love to hear how you get on, and what techniques you used that helped, or any that didn’t help you.
All the best,
James